Self Talk Handout

Self Talk

When we become aware of our triggers, and start to notice our thought patterns when we are triggered into anger, we often notice that our thoughts center around things that will flame the anger rather than calming us. We can choose to focus on thoughts that calm us rather than inflame us. The choice is ours. Here are some sample thoughts that can help calm us when we are angry.

  1. I don't need to prove myself in this situation. I can stay calm.
  2. As long as I keep my cool, I'm in control of myself.
  3. No need to doubt myself, what other people say doesn't matter. I'm the only person who can make me mad or keep me calm.
  4. It's time to relax and slow things down. I can take a time out if I get uptight or start to notice my triggers.
  5. My anger is a signal. Time to talk to myself and relax.
  6. I don't need to feel threatened here. I can relax and stay cool.
  7. Nothing says I have to be competent and strong all the time. Its okay to feel unsure or confused.
  8. Its impossible to control other people and situations. The only things I can control is myself and how I express my feelings.
  9. Its okay to be uncertain or insecure sometimes. I don't need to be in control of everything and everybody.
  10. If people criticize me, I can survive that. Nothing says that I have to be perfect.
  11. If this person wants to go off the wall, that's their thing. I don't need to respond to their anger or feel threatened.
  12. When I get into an argument, I can use my control plan and know what to do. I can take a time out.
  13. Most things we argue about are stupid and insignificant. I can recognize that my anger comes from having my old primary feelings re-stimulated. Its okay to walk away from this fight.
  14. Its nice to have other people's love and approval, but even without it, I can still accept and like myself.
  15. People put erasers on the ends of pencils for a reason; its okay to make mistakes.
  16. People are going to act the way they want to, not the way I want them to.
  17. I feel angry, that must mean I have been hurt, scared, or have some other primary feeling.
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